|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| morp.
yeah. im not going.
i wanted to- but my date has other plans.
but hes goin to a church retreat, so i told him its one of the very few excuses id actually say is okay for bailing on me.
as long as he makes it up to me.
i think im gettin in too deep.
im being to-- girly?
ha.
and everyone is telling me so.
friends, my mom, hell, even me some nights. so im kinda just laying it
low. i think. im going to try.
ah, i love CSAPS. except i get
kinda bored. like i dont have any homework and you have to sit there
after the damn things just staring blankly at the kid's head in front
of you. thats probably not good. me- more time to think- not good.
oh well.
| | |
| i know normally im the first one to turn and run from one of my mom's logics actually being right, but what she said this morning hit me. it hit me hard. hard because i think its true. she said i get all dolled up for nothing. and i think shes right.
maybe im just being hormonal?
but i dont think i am.
maybe i need to persue better?
to get persued better?
i dont fucking know.
| | |
| Well, my weekend has pretty much blown. Yeah, pretty much.
I mean, in all fairness, it hasn't been horrible.
It just hasnt been overwhelmingly fun, like it normally is.
I.hope.he.calls.me.
I.hope.he.calls.me.
I.hope.he.calls.me.
We will see.
| | |
| the other night was awesome.
but it was the other night.
and all this shit has gone down since then.
i dont know what to do.
i wish i did--
but i dont.
| | |
| im
not sure whats going on. my mom knows ive been doing it. my friends
have all been there when ive been doing it. and lets face it, its not
that uncommon. what i dont understand is why no one would address it,
no one addressed it until it got out of hand. i just decided what i
need to do. although ive experienced times when i havent recieved what
they said they would give, as of right now im making fucking sure that
they get what they deserve. and that means that i cant do what ive been
doing. no more weekends like the ones ive been having. ive had too many
headaches. too many shakes. too many things that wouldnt even cross my
mind had i not chose to partake in all that i have. im done with it,
thank god. i just wish that i wouldnt have done any of it to begin
with. they say "oh well youve had your night" ive had more than all of
them combined. and you DONT have to have your night. you really dont. i
guess ive just come to be overly dissappointed in myself, and it burns
my eyes and my mouth and my nose when i think about it. ive been too
much of a hypocrite and im finally calling myself on it.
the fucking shakes.
i dont belive it.
i dont understand why she wont say anything- but i guess im glad she
doesnt. cause i dont know what id say back. id either lie or tell the
truth. and right now, id be lying if i said i knew what i would do.
so its for the better- it just led me to the worse. but im done. ive caught myself. given it up. its over.
god help me. i need you. i need it. i need it .right.fucking.now.
| | |
|
